We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
