.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
