My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she smelled like a LAN party
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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