even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
