Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
