I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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