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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.

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• (716): View more from New York

  When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.

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• (562): View more from California

  I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?

  (563): View more from Iowa

  1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World

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• (949): View more from California

  At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?

  (714): View more from California

  I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  My first love was gay too, it's okay.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.

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