I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
