i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hippo gnu deer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
