you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
