I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
