Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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