dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
