My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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