I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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