Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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