I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
