Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

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(718): View more from New York

walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)

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(407): View more from Florida

Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.

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(678): View more from Georgia

By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE

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