Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
