Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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