I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
