i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
