Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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