She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
