I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
