I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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