don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
