Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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