I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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