So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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