it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
