with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Terrible idea I love it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
