i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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