the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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