I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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