all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
