Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
