girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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