The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
