just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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