new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
