my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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