does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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