We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
