My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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