so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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