no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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