My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
