I look better un-naked...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
