Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
